Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize