Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
