a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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