how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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