I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
