I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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