her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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