He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
