i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
