So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
