mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
