I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
