wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
