She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
