guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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