I've blown a few things in my day
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
