How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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