He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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