Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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