yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
