he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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