As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
