A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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