i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
