Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
