GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
