Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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