Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
