i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
birth control should be required to get into college
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
