Got a toothbrush?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
