theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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