We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
