I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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