I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
