Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
