he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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