life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
