see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
