i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
