I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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