If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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