Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Duck Duck Cougar?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
