i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
