Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
