Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just gargled with NyQuil
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
