Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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