the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Two words: nipple clamps
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