Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
