when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
