so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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