I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize