I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
