I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize