I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
