went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
