I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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