ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
