she woke up with a sticky ear
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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