We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
