the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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