I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
