And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
