Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
