you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
