When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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