K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
