My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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