Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
