video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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