I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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