Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
