love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
