it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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