Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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